The 5K from Hell
The 5K from Hell
Hey folks, you should know that I finally did it—I participated in a 5K race! Well, I did (or attempted to do) the speed walking part . I thought this would be a cakewalk. I mean that I’ve been walking on our rail trails every other day for the past several months. I’ve been trying to increase my speed. I should be able to do this without a problem.
A friend from work has been on me for the past couple of years now to sign up for some of these 5K things. “If you’ve been walking, you can easily do the walking part.” He says.
The Brew Pub Twilight 5K is a nice one. You do your thing and then come back, get a very good quality T-shirt, get a pasta dinner and a couple of beers.
I saw my contenders. Probably about 95 to 98 percent of the people there should have the word turbo emblazoned on their backs. “Health people.” I kind of singled out the possible walkers. Hmmm. Yes, I can pass these people. No problem.
The starting line was in front of the Brew Pub. We go down the road until the park entrance. Walkers went along the Decker’s Creek trail whilst the runners went towards the Arboretum on the river trail.
And they’re off … and so am I. Okay here are my actual contenders around me. Sure enough though, one by one, I get passed. There are a few behind me: some gray-haired folks and one who seemed a bit chunkier than me. The gray-haired people now seemed like they just strolled past me without effort. The chunkier person passed me and the grays. To my dismay, I am now THE LAST one of our group!
The dog people were out on the trail too walking their critters. Man, even micro-wiener dogs were out-pacing me! Good Lord. To make matters worse, a turkey vulture flying above seemed to like to circle over me. A bloody turkey vulture! Not a good sign.
Today was generally not a good day though. The humidity was incredibly thick. It was almost 90 degrees. And I am one who only comes out at night in the summer. (I don’t do the sun. Nada.) These are really not my thriving conditions. Plus, my shins were splinting and my sacroiliac (it does exist) wanted to disengage and find a new body. Sweat found a way to actually exude from fingernails. And by the way, a warning to you mouth breathers out there: try not to breath in as you go through those gnat clouds that form in the early evening. It’s not pleasant and they don’t taste like chicken.
Well, as the sun was going down and the crickets started to chirp, I eventually did make it to the finish line, DEAD, DEAD LAST.
How do they do this! The walkers just look like they are gliding on air. No effort at all. Me, I know I’m moving but I’m not going anywhere. Very disheartening.
Moral of the story: Do not try to run with the gazelles when you can barely crawl with the turtles! I had planned on signing up for a few other 5K walks, but not now. I’m not giving up though. I know beyond any doubt that I can out pace one of those micro-wiener dogs! I’m there.
← Proof of doing this race. Note the smear of movement of the tag.
